Surreal In This Lying World

The deed has been done. There should be no more turning back. No more. Except, someone is calling my name now, I have to answer, one last time.

In other words, yes, I finally drew in that deep, deep breath, and blurted out everything in a rush.

‘IthinkImgoin2resignatdendofdmonth,Iveaccepteddofferforanequityresearchposition

He was calm, bewildered and bemused, but calm. ‘Do you have a minute to talk about this?’

A minute turned into two, three, half an hour, dragged to a full hour. After that first seconds of breathlessness however, the heavy pounding of my heart slowed to a steadier beat. My words still came out in a tumble, but at least I was more coherent, a tad more collected. Weirdly enough, I had a strong sense of deja vu, like I’d been down this road before. Well, in a way, I have, that one afternoon on a sweltering July not too long before. It’s never easy, nor fun, this business, of breaking of something that’s supposed to be valued, treasured.

My boss was nice, though, and understanding. We engaged in that time honored ritual, dancing lightly about one another, sidestepping the more sensitive issues, and touching on others… I did waver, just a teensy bit. I am, afterall, about to give up my life, and sink myself into the corporate hell hole. His arguments were pretty persuasive. But then, the deed has been done, the fateful words uttered. There can be no turning back. Except of course, that my other boss also wants to talk to me, to persuade me. So we break into another dance.

Aye. Want to leave all these behind for right now, along with that incomprehensible pile of documents I have to wade through and sign. Going to a jazz concert instead. Cheers.

It is with a curious mixture of guilt and glee that I bring forth this news: I have capitulated to the irresistible Ipod. Yes… I parted with quite a wad of virtual cash this evening, and shall not feel the full force of my decision till the end of the month.

My informal poll assured me that giving up the tent was not that foolish a choice. And so I shall content with continuing to rent my camping gear from the OAC…

So excited was I thinking about my new toy that I only had the patience to run 20 minutes today, before I gave up and sped home. Haven’t had dinner either.

Excuse me now.

I ran 2.5 miles today. Was a little more out of breath at the end than usual, but overall, I still felt pretty good. Sigh, the more I run, the more convinced I am that I should get an IPod. So now I’m vacillating between getting my four-season tent, sleeping bag and that. How how how?

Eesh, nothing much else to update. I reckon though, that for all my laziness with skin care products, it’s high time to slather on some lotion on my hands. Thanks to climbing, my fingers are peeling like crazy. They totally feel like day old growth against my skin.

Nods. Shall do that and then get back to reading my highly engaging Pullman. Beams. It’s been such a long time since I’ve been so taken up with such an exciting read.

Food
Turkey
Southern Fried Chicken
Roasted pumpkin
Squash soup
Sweet potato
Mashed potato
Steamed asparagus
Pumpkin pie
Blackforest trifle

Wine
Cabernet Sauvignion from Chile, Santiago
Some other red cab
Walter’s sweet Australian dessert wine

Part of me is lusting after Abuelita’s famous carrot cake, yet a part of me is still reeling from food overload yesterday.

Mmm, more laters — the carrot cake won

I had a great workout climbing today. Jason, the guy whom I met last week, belayed me a couple more times, and also introduced me to some of the regulars there, like Pete, who later taught me a couple of techniques. Ah, it’s great to be young, when you can feel yourself strengthening by the day. I bet I could do a pull up - or two - again by year’s end.

Hehe, so I got home, and my cousin Nikki was like, wow, I haven’t seen you around the house lately! Have you got yourself a new boyfriend?

Anyway, came home feeling ravenous, and thirsty, so I heated up my Thai leftovers from Monday night and pulled out a bottle of my pumpkin ale from the fridge. Needed some meal time entertainment, so I slid in my Queer as Folk DVD.

What do you know? Midway through some hot lesbian sex scene, Nikki came bursting into my room to talk to me. She heard the noises going on in the background, and peered at my laptop. ‘What you watchi - oh!’ Haha. She quickly said her piece and left, shutting the door behind her.

Cut to 10 minutes later. The scene was now featuring some gay men in a steam room. Nikki popped in again. ‘Oh!’

Hehehe. I must say, it’s quite an entertaining show though.

So I went for the Pompeii exhibit at the field museum today, hoping to relive memories of my trip to Naples. I suppose the exhibits were quite thoughtfully arranged, and on the whole they managed to give us viewers a sense of what life was like before the fateful eruption in AD79. But having spent three entire days wandering around the ruins myself, the exhibits did not give me what I was looking for. I was not transported back to Pompeii. Yes, yes, I know they are totally different worlds: walking down the still beautifully paved cobblestones with the arresting sight of Mt. Vesuvius in the background, vs peering intently into a glass display showcasing the intricate jewellery that miraciously survived the centuries unscathed. But a girl can dream yah?

Hmm, if you were interested in finding out more about Pompeii, I’d not suggest visiting the museum. For one thing, it’s way too crowded. My enjoyment was diminished in part by the throngs of people I had to politely push through in order to look at the displays or read the signs. What I can recommend though, is Robert Harris’ Pompeii:

In this fine historical by British novelist Harris, an upstanding Roman engineer rushes to repair an aqueduct in the shadow of Mount Vesuvius, which, in A.D. 79, is getting ready to blow its top. Young Marcus Attilius Primus becomes the aquarius of the great Aqua Augusta when its former chief engineer disappears after 20 years on the job. When water flow to the coastal town of Misenum is interrupted, Attilius convinces the admiral of the Roman fleet-the scholar Pliny the Elder-to give him a fast ship to Pompeii, where he finds the source of the problem in a burst sluiceway. Lively writing, convincing but economical period details and plenty of intrigue keep the pace quick, as Attilius meets Corelia, the defiant daughter of a vile real estate speculator, who supplies him with documents implicating her father and Attilius’s predecessor in a water embezzlement scheme. Attilius has bigger worries, though: a climb up Vesuvius reveals that an eruption is imminent. Before he can warn anyone, he’s ambushed by the double-crossing foreman of his team, Corvax, and a furious chase ensues. As the volcano spews hot ash, Attilius fights his way back to Pompeii in an attempt to rescue Corelia. Attilius, while possessed of certain modern attitudes and a respect for empirical observation, is no anachronism. He even sends Corelia back to her cruel father at one point, advising her to accept her fate as a woman. Harris’s volcanology is well researched, and the plot, while decidedly secondary to the expertly rendered historic spectacle, keeps this impressive novel moving along toward its exciting finale. – From Publisher’s Weekly

Anyway, I thought I’d share some pictures of my trip to Naples with the Rome study abroad program:

The forum in Pompeii - the heart of the city

Grounds of the gladiators

This old man gave me a tour of the bath houses of Paestum

After I’d toured the Pompeii exhibit, I poked my head into the Pacific Islands and Tibet exhibits. There, I suddenly recalled what Peter told me the other night: religion gives people a reason to live, gives them meaning in life, so they can go to heaven after that. Not in quite those words exactly, but his reasoning is there.

Well, as a staunch atheist (please do not attempt to start a religious debate with me now; we’d only be running fruitlessly about in circles, so let’s just agree to disagree), I was quite perplexed. Why live to die? I live because I want to explore the world out there - and looking at all the different cultures on displays, the different lands and places, the different time periods, only reaffirms my beliefs. I live to live, to see, to feel. Is that not meaning enough?

“I’m not confused. I’m just well mixed.” - Robert Frost

What a tangled web I’ve weaved. Part of me wants to unravel it all, and hopefully resume my unfettered path. Yet, a part of me still wants to see fruition to this web, finally catch my prey.

The title, btw, was not merely a pun. In this part of the world, we really are seeing first frost tonight. Ah, winter is irrevocably here.

And, btw, if you’re keen on helping save the environment this winter / lower your heating bill this winter, this product might just work for you: The Warmbiz Bra.